Emptiness

Do you think that staying entrenched in your eating disorder will give you happiness?

It won’t.

Your eating disorder will not give you a perfect life. It will take your life away.

You can not live life if you are empty. 

When you are anorexic, you are starving much more than your body. You’re starving your mind, your dreams, your goals, your relationships…

Think about it, you have to fulfill your bodies basic survival needs which are eating and sleeping before you can even begin to fulfill needs in other aspects of your life such as relationships, work, college and so much more!

How can you expect to work hard, reach your goals when you’re doing the work without eating?  

How can you expect to uphold relationships with others when you can’t even think clear enough to have a conversation, let alone go out? 

How can you expect to do things you enjoy like baking gooey brownies when all you can think about is how you won’t eat one? 

The answer is simple. You can’t.

Restricting yourself and starving yourself will lead you nowhere. You will be empty, but so will your life. You will continue to just exist and not truly live.

So if you want to achieve the goals and dreams you have for your life,  if you want to laugh and love and be free, truly living, than stop listening to that voice. Don’t restrict yourself, don’t starve yourself. don’t live life on empty.

Instead, be full. Be full of yummy food and different experiences. Be full of hope and confidence.  You can do this. We can do this together.

So tell me…

Are you living life to its fullest? 

Whats your favorite thing to bake? 

 

 

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Thank you.

This is for all the friends and family that have been by my side through this journey so far…

Thank you.

Thank you for constantly and continually supporting me… through the good and the bad.

Thank you for realizing when I was suffering in silence… I guess I wasn’t as great at hiding my relapses as well as I thought.

Thank you for letting me come to you, defeated, crying, telling you I needed more help.

Thank you for sitting with me when the guilt consumed me, and it felt like there was nothing you could say or do to help me. 

Thank you for being patient with me.

Thank you for calming my nerves when I was visibly struggling with a meal.

Thank you for letting me cry about everything and anything, and never making me feel like a burden for doing so.

Thank you for changing your schedules so I could more easily eat my three meals and three snacks.

Thank you for making me see my strengths. 

Thank you for checking in on me, making sure I was OK,  and asking if I need anything.

Thank you for making me feel like I wasn’t fighting this illness alone.

Thank you for never giving up on me.

Thank you for giving me hope that I can and will recover.

Thank you for helping me save my own life.

Thank you.

They are just two little words, but they mean so much.

An everyday choice

Everyday you have to make a choice.

Everyday you have to choose recovery

because recovery is an everyday choice

Recovery doesn’t just happen.  You don’t wake up and decide that you don’t want an eating disorder anymore.  You don’t wake up and decide to recover and then suddenly you are.

I really wish that it worked that way. I really do…

Thats why recovery is an ongoing process, an ongoing decision that you have to make every second, minute, hour and day.

I repeat:

Every second.

Every minute.

Every hour.

Every day.

So how do you go about making the conscious decision with recovery? 

You choose those fresh out of the oven, warm and gooey chocolate chip cookies.

You choose the wine and conversation with your best friend on those long days.

And most importantly, when you wake up the next day you choose to start the day off positively reminiscing on the memories you’ve made and the happiness you hold because those are more important than a number and the image you see in the mirror.

You constantly have to remind yourself why you’re recovering. What you want out of life. Recovery is a long and difficult process that takes strength and effort.

You’ll have your good days and you’ll have your bad days, but when you’re struggling or having one of those bad days remember the good ones… remember that your worst day in recovery can’t be worse than your best day in your eating disorder.

Those bad days will help shape you, they will make you stronger.  They are the days that really count, when recovery matters the most.  They are the days that determine whether you win or whether your eating disorder wins.

As you continue to choose recovery, the bad days will lessen and the good days will become more frequent.

Just keep choosing to fight. Keep choosing to be strong. Keep choosing recovery.

So tell me… 

Whats something you like to do when you’re having a “bad” day? 

Whats your favorite song? 

Hunger and weakness are not synonymous

I see hunger as a sign of weakness.

Giving into that hunger means that I am a failure. I get mad at myself for it, I beat myself up for it.

I believe that I shouldn’t feel hunger.

So when I do feel it, those are real thoughts that go through my mind!

Why is hunger seen as a demon though? Its a basic need just like sleeping and going to the bathroom… but do we get mad at ourselves for feeling tired or having to pee? No.

It’s your eating disorder getting enraged that you’re feeling hunger. Its your eating disorder telling you that hunger is a weakness. It’s your eating disorder shaming you for eating.

So what is the real demon here?

Your eating disorder.

Don’t fight the hunger.  Don’t fight yourself. Your body knows what it needs because it’s a lot smarter than you think. Moreover, it’s a lot smarter than your eating disorder. Trust your body. Feed it. honor the hunger.

So tell me… 

Do you ever struggle with honoring your hunger? 

Whats your favorite candy?!

News flash

I’ve told myself these things so many times…

Ill stop when Im at x weigh
Ill be happy when thin enough

Ill get help when Im sick enough

Well news flash… your eating disorder will never be satisfied

enough is never enough.

You will never be enough for your eating disorder

I think that this is one of the scariest parts of struggling with anorexia. One of the reasons why its one of the deadliest mental illnesses, one of the most dangerous and one of the most difficult things to recover from. Anorexia messes with your mind and makes you believe that there is something that is “enough” that you need to attain before you can live your life, be happy, or get help.

But guess what… 

You are enough without anorexia

you are enough just as you are.

I hope that by posting this it might help just one person struggling to realize that they are enough and that their eating disorder is lying to them.  I hope that by posting this it can serve as a reminder to not only me, but you as well.

No questions today… But I would love to hear tour thoughts. 

As always if you need someone to talk to feel free to reach out, I’m always here for you!

 

 

Healthy eating while in college

As the summer is coming to a close and school is on the horizon there is a lot that goes through a college students head, and one of those things is how to eat healthy while you’re in college. That is if eating healthy while being in college is one of your goals.

I am very thankful that I live close enough to campus that I can still live at home therefore having access to a fully stocked kitchen at all times, but others may not be as lucky.  You might find yourself being a freshman in college, living off the meal plan that they require you to buy.  You may be a college sophomore or junior who is sharing a suite which means that you have to be considerate and flexible with the others you are living with.  You may be a college senior who is living by themselves now. or with just one other person.  In the end it doesn’t matter your living circumstances… what matters is how you work with what you’ve got.

So with that lets get to some ways that you can still eat healthy while being a college student!

Prioritize food & your health

Eating healthier can be a little bit more expensive sometimes (depending on what you buy & where you purchase it from!) but that doesn’t mean that you shouldnt do it.  Make food and your health a priority.  That might mean investing a little more money into quality, healthy food and less on clothing, shoes, makeup and other materialistic items .

Locate the cheapest stores & stock up

I love going to Trader Joes. It’s an amazing store where you can find most of what you might need, they’re not too expensive and its quality product! You can buy a lot more from them for a lot less than other chain retailers.

Utilize Sales & coupons

It might seem weird or frugal at first but cutting out coupons, looking online or even taking advantage of the in-store deals can add up quickly.  Sometimes you can even get products for free if you really look!

Shop seasonal

Fruits and veggies that are in season are usually on sale or are cheaper than when they’re not.  If they’re not, don’t be afraid to buy them frozen… They’re just as healthy and might even be cheaper!

Skip the organic stuff

People think that organic is better however that’s not always true.  Yes for some things such as pasteurized eggs that might be the case but for something like bananas, the nutrition is going to be the same from organic to non-organic and they still use products on them. There are so many myths about organic foods that can be de-bunked so I  would suggest reading up about them before you decide what to purchase organic.

Buy in bulk

Everything from oats, rice, quinoa, flour, pb… you name it, can be bought in bulk at most grocery stores for a lot less money. Use those for the staple things you need in your pantry and use often.

Simplicity

You don’t need to have something new to eat every single meal, every single day. Stick to the basics with a few more fun items thrown in for the week.

Meal prep

When things are already prepared you’re more likely to eat it or pack it.  You don’t have to prep everything, but a few staple things like a protein, a grain and some veggies is enough!

​I hope that you find this helpful if you’re just going into college or if you’ll be going back!

If you have any questions or would like to talk more about this let me know and I would be more than happy to help you out!

So tell me… 

Whats your fave thing to meal prep? 

How are you spending the last few weeks of summer? 

Optimism

When you google what the definition of optimism is the results state that optimism is hopefulness and confidence in the future or with the successful outcome of something.

I think a lot of people can struggle with being optimistic though, not on purpose of course! Its just the way that their mind thinks and is being shaped by external factors and even probably internal factors!

But being an optimistic person and having an optimistic attitude/ outlook can be beneficial! I wrote down some benefits that I see from it…

You’ll be able to see an opportunity in every difficulty

it creates a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction

it promotes happiness and positivity

It increases flexibility

Of course I could probably go on about other benefits that are derived from it, but ill stop at just those few.

As I mentioned earlier, I believe a lot of people struggle with this so i’ve also thought of a few ways that you can go about showing that trait/ attitude more!

One way is to give thanks

Everyday write down 3 things that you’re grateful for. It will give you more regular awareness and the more that you focus on it the more optimistic your mindset will become.

Pay it forwards

Do something nice for someone each day.  It could be smiling at someone, giving a stranger a compliment, buying someones coffee in line behind you… anything act of kindness counts!

Think before you speak/ act

Before you say something really think about it.  Is it positive or negative? is it a complaint? Thinking about things before you speak /act… if you remove the more negative thoughts, words and actions before they even come out of your mouth, your outlook might just change.

Workout

working out can relieve stress, anxiety and tension which when built up can cause a person to be more pessimistic. So even if its only for 20 minutes a day, do something to get your endorphins going and essentially sweat out the negativity.

I know that its not easy to change your mindset, but it can be done!

If you do struggle with being optimistic, I challenge you to change a few things in your life and implement those few habits I listed above and see what happens! I’m optimistic that you’ll get something from it!

So tell me…

Are you an optimistic person?

What are you going to do from this moment on to be more optimistic? 

treatment teams

A few weeks back I shared this blog post with you all talking about how I was going to be beginning treatment once again for anorexia.

I know just how hard it can be to set up a treatment team that specializes in eating disorders but also a treatment team that you feel comfortable with.

But having a treatment team is soooo important! Having the right team gives you an immense amount of support through one of the hardest things you will ever go through.

In the beginning having a therapist, dietician,  doctor and a psychiatrist will be the main components to build a strong foundation. You can’t just have a team with one component, you will need all of them and you will need them all to communicate with each other.

So what makes a good treatment team and how can you form the best team possible?

 Don’t settle.

You don’t have to go the cheapest therapist, you don’t have to go to your friends therapist, you don’t have to go to a therapist who your views don’t align with. Look around, contact many people. In more cases than not, therapists will be willing to work with whatever circumstances and financial concerns you have.

Speak up.

If you don’t think that the connection with your team is their, don’t be afraid to voice that concern. If you continue to act like everything is okay, it will be ineffective.

 

give it a chance.

You can’t automatically discount people on your team, you have to be patient and give it a little time to build up a relationship with them so you can get to know them and they can get to know you.

Once you do find a treatment team, I can assure you that it will be worth it.  It can and will help.

So tell me… 

Do you find having a treatment team helpful? 

 

Lets talk about social media

When you first hear the words social media you might think Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter and so on…

So many people in the health/ fitness and recovery community use these various platforms to share information, inspire others and just connect with people who can relate to whatever content they may be posting.

They are called ” Influencers”

But are these platforms really helping others or are they a hinderance? 

Are these influencers really influencing us properly? 

Lets put our focus onto Instagram

I use Instagram as one of my main platforms for my anorexia recovery, and I am so  thankful for some of the relationships that I have formed from it with other girls who are anorexic or  have struggled with it. They’re a constant source of support, inspiration and motivation!

Being supportive, inspiring and motivating are all positive aspects derived from the platform! But on the flip-side, there is another side to it…

Unfortunately a lot of accounts post pictures and captions with triggering content.  When I say triggering content I’m talking about weights, numbers, calories, comparisons, negative thoughts, harmful behaviors and so on

Most people that suffer from eating disorders thrive on comparison, so when you put yourself into a community of people who are all struggling with the same thing comparison can become a larger issue.  It can trigger you, it can cause you to pick up new habits or behaviors and it can be a perfect set up for relapse if one isn’t careful.

So how can you make sure that your Instagram is more helpful than anything? 

Follow accounts and people who are positive influences for yourself & are healthy

Recognize when Instagram is becoming a trigger & take a step back if you need to

Post positive content!

Instagram can be a great platform to utilize ( as well as all the others I mentioned!) as long as its used properly and you’re aware of the risks and dangers associated with it.

So tell me… 

Do you use Instagram or another platform for health, fitness or recovery? 

Whats your opinion on it? 

Your mind is powerful

Runners tend to have unique mindsets…

Mindsets characterized by:

resilience

determination

strength

courage

discipline

execution

(and so many more!!!)

These characteristics are formed from plans, workouts, routines, schedules, goals and demands that one has for themselves.  In turn a mental toughness is developed which can be applied both towards running and outside of running.

So how can you use this mindset outside of running? 

Many different ways! You can use the strength of your mindset in other areas of your life such as college, work and even relationships!

All it takes is channeling that strength and mental toughness to re-frame challenges regarding whatever aspect of life you want to focus on/ work on.

Currently I am trying to channel that strength and mental toughness towards my anorexia recovery and it has honestly proven to be helpful and effective. I’m hoping that by practicing using this mindset outside of running it will help make me even stronger!

So tell me… 

Do you use the strengths you possess in one area of your life to help further excel in other areas?