So you want to have an eating disorder? You want to be anorexic?
This is what you have to be prepared for…
The stomach pain from not eating, constipation, the feeling of your heart beating out of your chest, the realization that after you finish a tiny meal you have 12 hours to go until you’re allowed ot eat again, the blackness, the long uncomfortable, sleepless nights because every way you turn your sharp, protruding bones stick into the bed.
Be prepared for the constant accusing and pathetic, pitiful stares. The questions and the rumors. The crying, the lying. The friends who abandon you, the friends who plead with you to eat and not run.
Your brain will think only of food, calories, numbers, and weights. You’ll have nightmares.
Handfuls of hair will come out. Blue fingernails and purple lips will become normal. Un-healable bruises will mark your skin and the goose bumps and the bone chilling cold will never go away. Dark circles under your eyes will appear and never fade. You will look hollow.
But you can’t forget the self hate, and lonliness even when you’re surrounded by others. The anxiety that arises from even the smallest thing…
You stop talking, listening, caring. Planning your life, going out, living. You will find no pleasure in anything. Your laughs will be fake, your smiles will be fake.
There will be continuous docotrs appointments. Continuous ultimatums. Gain weight or drop out of school. Go to treatment or eventually die from starvation and heart failure. It will be torturous, not only to you but your friends and faimly.
So tell me… do you really want to have an eating disorder? Do you really want to be anorexic?
I hope and pray that my insight on what living with anorexia is like can be beneficial to someone who is considering “getting” an eating disorder or becoming anorexic.
Anorexia is not a choice. It is a mental illness with physical symptoms.
Living with an eating disorder is not fun or glamorous… its honestly living hell.
Anyone who is struggling with thoughts or behaviors, I urge you to seek help. You don’t have to live this way… this doesn’t have to be your life. There is hope.
This is my own motivation to get back on track and to get healthier again. I’m tired of living with this and all that was stated above.
No questions today for you all 🙂 but feel free to comment your thoughts and opinions.